Helen Grace Bender's Obituary
HELEN GRACE BENDER
February 21, 1928, to December 21, 2025
Helen Grace Bender died peacefully in her residence at Canyon Crest Retirement Home in San Diego, California, peacefully early Sunday morning, December 21, 2025. She leaves her family and friends with a legacy of memories and a life well lived.
Helen was born on February 21, 1928, on a small farm outside Anamosa, Iowa. She was the seventh of nine children born to Garrett and Louise Gerdes. Helen often told wonderful stories of growing up with few material goods, yet feeling rich in the love, care, and support provided by her large family and devoted parents.
At the end of World War II, Helen was working the counter at Gerald’s Hi Ho Café in Monticello, Iowa, when a young pilot, newly discharged from the Army Air Corp, walked in and ordered a cherry coke. She had noticed Ralph Bender years earlier when she was a freshman and he a senior at Monticello High School, but this meeting, she would say, was love at first sight. They would go on to share a marriage that spanned more than 50 years. Helen was deeply devoted to Ralph throughout their life together.
Ralph was recalled to the Air Force during the Korean Conflict and remained in service until 1957. As their family grew—welcoming children Calvin, Gretchen, and Mark—the Benders lived an itinerant life, moving from post to post and later following Ralph’s career with the State of California. The family maintained a home base in Ontario, California, until 1964, when they moved to Tustin, California, where they lived for many years.
Their home was frequently filled with extended family and friends. Helen was the glue that held everything together, creating a place where everyone felt comfortable, welcome, and well fed. Many cherished memories—Ernie the tortoise among them—were created in the yard and around the dining room table.
In 1963, Helen began working as a helper at the daycare at the United Methodist Church in Ontario. This sparked a lifelong passion for early childhood education. She attended night classes and became one of the first to earn an associate degree in early childhood education. Her dedication led to a long and meaningful career as a teacher, director, and regional supervisor for Gerber Childcare Centers, where she worked until her retirement. She maintained close relationships with many of her colleagues throughout her life. Helen was a strong advocate for learning through play and for meeting every child with love and patience.
Helen’s faith was expressed through daily living rather than words. Raised in the Lutheran tradition, she spent much of her adult life actively involved in the Presbyterian Church, supporting Christian education and serving on the Session. In later years, she was also actively involved in activities at her retirement home, primarily through the Church of Christ. Helen lived her faith quietly and authentically, incorporating it into her everyday actions. In her later years, she embraced each day as a gift from God and looked forward to being reunited with Ralph. From her mouth to God’s ears.
When remembering Helen, most recall a moment that brought them joy—making a simple sandwich with chips, sharing a glass of wine on the porch on a warm summer evening, watching a tortoise make his rounds, dancing through the sprinkler, or collapsing onto the couch after a long day at Disneyland. So many memories. We do not mourn the loss so much as grieve that there will be no new memories of Helen.
She was an incredible grandma and great grandma, all of the cousins really got to know each other at her house. She was so genuinely welcoming and accepting of everyone. We are grateful for her warmth and her ability to make all of the family know that she loved each of them through the way she treated them on each visit.
Helen is survived by her children, Calvin, Gretchen, and Mark; Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren; as well an extended family of Nieces, Nephews and friends.
What’s your fondest memory of Helen?
What’s a lesson you learned from Helen?
Share a story where Helen's kindness touched your heart.
Describe a day with Helen you’ll never forget.
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